As many of you know, Melissa tried a gauntlet of both conventional and alternative approaches, treatments, and methodologies to fight cancer and live well over a half-score and three years past her first diagnosis. There were many approaches she did not try, but she was probably familiar with many of them anyways. She was a research guru and she never hesitated to share with anyone who was seeking information. Not sure if you noticed, but I said information, not answers. Having the “answer” is just way too simplistic to most any situation, least of all trying to survive any stage of cancer, especially Stage IV cancer. There is a lot of comfort that can be provided to one individual’s insanity of fighting cancer by looking at the success of another individual’s given treatment modality. But, Melissa would be the first to tell you, and she mentioned it in her blogs, that there is no such thing as a “magic bullet” (reference “And the beat goes on…” posted 16 Jun 12). What works for one person may not work for another, that’s why individual choice is so important. However, I’m also not saying, never look at the statistics or to testimonials of a given modality, just always try to apply your own individual filter to the specific situation and data.
So, why this theoretical BS from someone who has never walked in Stage IV shoes. What do I really know, just being a passenger on Melissa’s journey? Well, I just have to share our experience with one of the last modalities that Melissa tried. If you are more conventionally minded, then please excuse my rant, but when you don’t have too many choices left and you are growing weaker, often the best treatment choice seems to be one that won’t fill your body with toxic chemicals; one such modality is energy work. Now, if you really contemplate our human existence, aren’t we all, made up of various types of energy? According to Einstein, human beings are made up of multi-dimensional energy fields. And, if you understand science, energy can not be created or destroyed, right, only transformed. If you know Melissa’s story, then you know she used many energy healers since she metastasized in 2007. Various types, and one, Kurt Peterson, may have saved her life many years ago. If you’ve been following Melissa’s blog long, then you also learned that energy healers ARE NOT all created equal. One such bad experience and many dollars spent was with one named Karen Korona (if interested you can read of specifics in a previous blog). But, let’s discuss more recent events. So, Melissa had her third appointment set up with Kris Kraft, but to make a long story short, he did not make it in time. When you are really sick, and there aren’t many options, there is a tendency to put your hopes in treatments which may be your miracle. Looking back now, leading up to this unkept appointment, several stand out moments happened, and I’d like to share them so that all your brains can be exercised. In the months prior to Melissa seeing Kris, there were occasional communications by phone and email. During these correspondences, Kris would consistently reassure Melissa, in essence, that she was doing better. For example, he told her of his dreams: basically Melissa was on a porch in a summer dress, rocking in a chair. Heck, even after Melissa was treated the second time by Kris, he kept reassuring her everything was “on track” and she’d be fine (reference “I’ve been slacking,” posted 19 Jul 12). So, as these conversations proceeded both Melissa and I got a huge deja vu feeling of Karen Korona’s antics. And a very ironic and sad part of the situation, Kris was not a Karen Korona fan and actually insisted that Karen and Melissa part ways before he would even consider treating Melissa the first time around. Even though our feeling of unease persisted and grew greater–remember how patients put their hopes on things sometimes they shouldn’t in wait of a miracle–so the appointment with Kris stayed in our calendar. Also, keep in mind, that alternative treatments typically are fairly expensive, just like conventional ones, but the big difference, if you have insurance, typically conventional treatments are covered and paid for by insurance, whereas, alternative ones are not.
Sorry, my attempts to make this long story short are failing, so I’ll try and wrap up. As, Melissa continued to decline (blind, organ failure, enormous pain, growing brain hematoma and tumor, exploding systemic cancer process throughout her body, and hospice called), I contacted Kris, before he departed the East coast, and told him not to come, basically to save him a trip. At the time, trying to keep Melissa comfortable was my only concern, and repayment of funds to treat Melissa was nowhere in my scope of reason. However, Kris decides to come anyways since he has “non-refundable hotel reservations.” He also says that his guider, “Power,” is telling him to come. Well, needless to say, both Power and Kris had it all wrong and Melissa passed before he and Power arrived. And, to top it off, Kris comes to our house later, after Melissa died, to say hello. I mean, he was hired to treat Melissa, not to come by for an hour and have me tell him stories of Melissa’s death. So, after waiting a week or so after Melissa died, I noticed that Kris had not issued a refund for services to Melissa not rendered. Finally, I asked Kris, and Kris responded that his website clearly states that refunds can only be given if he is contacted within 10 days of the original appointment and that I contacted him only 8 days prior to Melissa’s appointment. So, I tried to reason with Kris, but his perspective is the only one he and Power wants to see. Well, he still has not done the honorable thing and reimbursed what Melissa paid him for. So, I just have to say, from my experience, not all energy healers are the same, so be careful out there. And, don’t get me wrong, I think energy healing can do a lot of good. In fact, I believe, Jesus was the greatest energy healer who ever walked on our planet. And, aren’t we mostly energy anyways? When I was resting, mostly sleeping, right by Melissa’s side in our bed while holding her hand, at about 15 minutes after midnight on February 16, Melissa stopped breathing here on Earth. At that exact moment, I felt a huge surge of energy go through my body which must have been that exact instance when Melissa’s energy, spirit, or whatever you want to call it, left her body and was saying her final goodbye to me on this Earth and transformed to heavenly spaces.
And then, the day after Christmas, Todd left us. Todd had pancreatic cancer and refused to believe the 3-month stats for that kind of cancer. He survived for a few years, despite their predictions. But ultimately, though he was with us for far longer than they expected, he did leave and he wasn’t even 50 yet. So much loss after such hard battles. And the devastation goes on for generations. Cancer deaths don’t just affect the person who dies. It takes everything from you, both physically and financially with nothing left to leave or give to anyone. And then there is the genetic predisposition aspect. All in all, it just sucks.
running all over town, shopping with my BFF and trying on stuff … none of which I have the juice for any more. And I’m beginning to suspect it will never return. My mother used to always say it. She would say not to give things up because, once you do, you never get them back. Now she didn’t mean material possessions … she meant activities and things you enjoyed doing. And, in my situation, I can see her as being right on the money. That is one of the biggest reasons that I have not given up a horse, despite the expense Gunner is turning out to be. But I will not give up a horse. If it is the last piece of my old life I can keep, dammit, I will.
spend time at my desk in the office, so have really been jonesing for something more portable but more powerful than the iPad2. Last week, my husband waltzes into the bedroom with a brand new MacBook Air 13″ for me! This puppy weighs in at a mere two pounds … even my little weakened self can handle it with ease. So now I have no excuses for not blogging. I have a real, live computer for it, now, without sitting at that desk. I love, love, love my new machine. And I love, love, love my husband for spoiling me so rotten!
