Posts Tagged ‘God’

Melissa post on 9 April 12 in “Into the Desert”:
“If His Word is true, and if He doesn’t lie, and if He truly does love me, how the hell did this happen??? And even worse, if the healing promises are a lie, then what else of mine is a lie? I mean, either it is all true, or it ain’t.”

Most of you should know that Melissa struggled with various stages of cancer for a very long time. Back in 1999, when we arrived in Colorado for the first time, we attended a wonderful church, and one of the messages that we learned from the pastor was healing was for everyone. Every word the pastor spoke was backed up by lots of scriptures, so how could this message be wrong? Melissa’s health roller coaster, with the constant up and down struggles, really were difficult for us both. Spiraling close to death a few times, but pulling up just in time; however, she never got back everything she lost in the process each time. All the while, we stood on God’s promises and that Melissa would be made whole again. There really aren’t too many people who not only knew this message better than Melissa, but actually had to walk and live in it every moment of every day. Standing on scripture verses, nailing them on her heart, and trying so hard to be an “instrument rated” Christian, but the weather was awful much of the time and it was hard to stay strong. Heck, one of the last things Melissa had left, since virtually everything else she loved was ripped away piece by piece, was her communication capabilities. And, you know what, in some cosmic form of cruelty, that last thread of humanity she had was taken away bit by bit by the ever growing brain hematoma and blood sucking tumor in her brain until she could no longer speak. Do you have any idea how many people she offered and sent copies of our church’s healing series of sermons to? I’m sure there were hundreds she offered it to and many took her up on it (around the globe). She was so strong, but she grew just so weak, and worst of all, she started to lose her faith since if healing isn’t true, then what else isn’t true in the Bible? Really, rocked her world especially as she knew the ground was coming again and she would not be able to pull up this time. No one really knew how sick she was, except me and her. Melissa wore her game face, pretty much every where she traveled, be it at the oncologist office or online; that’s just what warriors do. Everyone was saying, oh Melissa, it is just one more time, you’ll pull up. Well, there were many dark alone days and she was so afraid of the end. Of her doubt. What was really coming? Heck, the whole progression really rocked both of our belief and faith mechanisms. She would say, God, either “kill me or heal me” because this in between crap and being teased by good health for a minute or two has become unbearable. TIll nearly the end, till nearly her last breath, she held on to that fear. I’m pretty sure it was a few hours before she died when I talked with her brother, Brooks, and through that conversation I had a realization. Something that I knew, hanging just below the surface, but finally it pop its head out of the water. Melissa had her vision of what her miracle should be, and you know Melissa, she knew what she wanted and nothing else would do. She wanted her life back; she wanted everything back that she had lost piece by piece stripped by this fricking monster called cancer. She wanted to be whole again, devoid of cancer fear, and just be able to live–she was only 54-years old. This new realization was something that we both already knew, but it did not fit into our vision of the “miracle” which Melissa should receive. Melissa used to say, I’m a walking miracle. Ding, Ding, Ding. That was the answer, and we both knew it. She was a zero%er and lasted way longer than any doctor or really anyone would think she should have. She had so many people she helped around the globe on various web platforms, and even though I reminded her of that many times, she did not or would not see it. She was an inspiration to so many who are fighting this cancer monster everyday. For example, when we went to the clinics in Georgia, about a year ago, the other patients there would say, you’ve been fighting and dealing with cancer for that long. You are my inspiration to go forward. I could give you more examples of people online and what they thought of Melissa, but you get my point. So, after that breakthrough for me: Melissa did get a miracle, it just was not the specific one she wanted; one day, when my times comes, I’ll get to find out the specifics of why God chose His version of a miracle and not ours. So, a little while later, a few hours before she passed, I told Melissa of my breakthrough. Of course, she could not talk, but her breathing did seem to immediately ease just a little.

So how can one claim to be a Spirit-filled, tongue-talking, healing-believing Christian and still extol the virtues of weed? Easy, my dear. Easy. I was online last night, reading some of the thinking that is out there about Christians and cannabis … I’ll tell you what. Talk about living with blinders on. It just amazes me how people … and not just Christians … just don’t read or think for themselves. They hear something someone said and they take it as gospel. Look, I don’t take my pastor’s word, or my doctor’s word, for anything. Both my spiritual and physical health I cannot afford to lay in the hands of others. I need to know what I believe and why. I need to know what therapies I’m using and why. But so many intelligent people … many of you who are reading this right now … just believe what they’re told without looking for themselves. Marijuana is a drug. It is an illicit drug, at that … with no medicinal value whatsoever. And the only reason anyone would ever imbibe in marijuana is to get stoned.

First of all, marijuana is an herb. A plant that grows readily … that has been used for thousands of years with plenty of medicinal benefit. The first documented use of medicinal marijuana (MMJ) was in childbirth thousands of years ago. The Middle East and China had it going on from the get-go. There are those who believe it was used in Biblical times. Those people quote the recipe for the holy anointing oil in Exodus. The term kaneh bosum has been determined by some to be cannabis. I am not a BIble scholar and can neither agree nor disagree on this.

What I can tell you, however, is that I believe God is our Creator. I also believe that He created everything around us, as the Bible says. What I didn’t know, and I’m betting most of you don’t know either, is that we are created with an endocannabinoid system. This is a system in our bodies that regulates all the other systems in our bodies. According to Dustin Sulak DO of Maine Integrative Healthcare, “The endogenous cannabinoid system, named after the plant that led to its discovery, is perhaps the most important physiologic system involved in establishing and maintaining human health. Endocannabinoids and their receptors are found throughout the body: in the brain, organs, connective tissues, glands, and immune cells. In each tissue, the cannabinoid system performs different tasks, but the goal is always the same: homeostasis, the maintenance of a stable internal environment despite fluctuations in the external environment.” For the entire article, click here.

It was the cannabis plant that led to the discovery of the endocannabinoid system (ECS). Within this system, we have cannabinoid receptors CB1 and CB2. We make our own cannabinoids which can activate our cannabinoid receptors. For example, that’s why hot baths relax us. It stimulates our endocannabinoids. You know what else activates cannabinoid receptors? Phytocannabinoids … and only one plant has them. Cannabis. And what all, in the animal kingdom, has cannabinoid receptors? Everything from the nematode to the sea squirt. All vertebrates have an endocannabinoid system so, yes, your dog can get high too. And your cats, birds, lizards … you get the picture.

So now let’s look at the math here. I believe God created everything … including the plant and animal kingdom. Let’s call that 1. God created us with an endocannabinoid system to create homeostasis in our bodies. He also created a plant that activates that regulatory system. Let’s call that 2. In Genesis 1:29 it says, “Then God said, “I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food.” Let me tell you, if you don’t already know, that particular plant bears a boatload of seeds! It doesn’t say I give you every seed-bearing plant except the cannabis plant. Let’s call that 3.

My equation is 1+2+3=6. If you believe God created everything (and He doesn’t make mistakes); and He created us with a system that only one single plant can regulate, (which He created as well); and He gave us every seed-bearing plant to use, then let me ask you one question: Why aren’t you leading the charge to legalize marijuana? I know I sure am. He has given us “everything pertaining to life and Godliness,” so I just don’t see why Christians get their knickers all in a wad over this healing plant that He created.

Now that we have established marijuana is an herb, since I have explained the ECS, now you see that it does have medicinal value but in case you need more proof that we are being lied to, did you know the US Department of Health and Human Services has a patent on cannabis? Yes they do and why? For Alzheimer’s and dementia-related illnesses because they know it has medicinal value. But didn’t they tell us it is a Schedule 1 drug that has no medicinal value? And as a Schedule 1 drug, scientists can’t even research it. Despite what they are telling us, it is hardly illicit.

What about the argument that the only reason anyone would take a toke is to get stoned. Seriously? Just think about that for a minute. That’s like saying the only reason anyone would have a glass of wine is to get puking drunk. Sure, there will be those who abuse marijuana just like there are those who abuse alcohol and their pain pills.  Most of us only use what we need for relief just as some of us have a glass of wine with dinner. A great number of people still have that nasty image in their minds whenever someone says “pot,” of a junkie nodding on the couch, drooling, and not being a functioning member of society. The only thing that puts me in that particular condition is opiates. But they’re jussssst fine for us, right? I am a retired military officer. So is my husband. Fully functioning members of society … well, the only thing that keeps me from being that these days is a disease, but not the pot. The pot keeps my abdomen from spasming. The pot helps me eat. The pot keeps me from having total panic meltdowns. The pot eases me into sleep like I haven’t had in more than a decade. And even more than that, the oil. The concentrated oil, that I posted about here, that is spoken of in the Run From the Cure video in my Resources section, enables cures. There is no doubt in my military mind that pot has extended my life.

So yeah, pot is of the devil, you religious, legalistic Christians. Just keep believing that. More medicine for the rest of us. For more information on the ECS, see the links below.

http://www.medicalcannabis.com/Cannabis-Science/endocannabinoid-system

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9gOYVJu__14

http://www.cannabis-med.org/english/journal/en_2006_01_2.pdf

This was one tremendous shift in my learning.  All of the head knowledge I had attained over the past decade was largely for nought for me.  But it was not a waste of my time.  It was all part of the trail of breadcrumbs that I can now see in hindsight. If you had pointed me to Kurt’s website when I was first diagnosed, I would’ve looked at it, sure.  But I would’ve immediately scoffed and moved on like many people do.  I would not have been ready for it.  But God had been working on me in so many ways, slowly, insistently, subtly cracking open my mind tiny bit by tiny bit.

But then there’s that exorbitant price tag.  Sure.  But let me explain two things.  First, have you ever seen an explanation of benefits for a chemo infusion?  Yeah, just one little infusion costs way more than an entire day with Kurt or Kris.  And once is never enough with chemo.  Secondly, thanks to my work with Louis, now I knew how much of  a toll it takes on the healer to focus precious energy that intensely, into another person’s body, for that extreme an amount of time.  And then to get up and do it all over again?  Plus the travel and constantly being away from his own family?  I don’t know.  The man gave me my life back in a miraculous way and, in my opinion, that was worth every dime.

From a rigidly Christian perspective, those Christians who put limits on God … like I used to be … this might have been an evil thing and one that could jeopardize my very soul.  Dark energy … evil.  I mentioned that to Kurt once.  He threw his head back and laughed and said, “How could healing a brain tumor in a 12-year-old ever be evil?”  Ya know, he had me there.  There was no evil in my getting well … none whatsoever.  And thankfully my soul is still in my body.  If I hadn’t taken God out of His box two-and-a-half years ago, I’m not sure I would be able to say that now.

And now I was on weekly chemotherapy.  That evil chemotherapy.  It cannot heal anything.  Its sole mission is to destroy.  But my life was being restored to me in ways I had forgotten about.  My energy and stamina picked up, as well as my strength. The previous summer, I had such muscle weakness, I couldn’t even groom my horse.  But now I was out there grooming, playing with, riding … and I even had two camping weekends over the summer!  What a glorious miracle that was! Statistically speaking, chemotherapy gives tumor shrinkage, but that doesn’t always equate to increased time on the planet.  So the benefits, IMO, are typically not worth the side effects.  But such was not the case for me at all.  Once more, a miracle was happening in my world.  I would’ve been dead by this time, so this chemo definitely was extending life in my case.

My oncologist is a hoot.  Here he had talked me into all this therapy that he knew was not the way I roll … and I was coming back to life before his very eyes.  Months later, he asked me, “Did you think we’d ever see this day?”  I was doing so well and I told him no.  He said, “Yeah, I wasn’t too sure either.  Not sure at all.” Ooooooh I wish he had never told me that.  Now I know he has a serious poker face and we might need to make a tough decision together again one day.  Sure wish I didn’t know that part. But he humors me like a kind grandfather and acts as though he thinks the things I come up with are … well … probably more eccentric than ridiculous.  I guess, once one is four years past one’s expiration date, he can afford to let me run wherever I please.  He asks thoughtful questions about each and every modality I throw at him.  And then he says, “Whatever.”  The last time he said that to me, I told him, “Seriously?  Are you really going to say that to me?  You know I don’t respond like anyone else does.”  He had been walking out of the room and he whipped back around and said, “I know I say whatever.  But I also say I can’t argue with success and success is what is standing right in front of me.”  Guess he shut me up!

So what lesson could I take away from all of this conventional vs alternative experience?  The first time around, I nearly destroyed myself with toxic treatments.  I will never have pectoral muscles again from radiation to both sides of my chest. Secondary cancers are a huge risk as well.  Then I started reading and went to the opposite end of the spectrum and would not entertain anything remotely smacking of conventional cancer treatment.  It was toxic; it was deadly; it didn’t heal.  But here I was feeling better than I had felt for years.    Here’s my big lesson.  Yes, chemotherapy is toxic and natural therapies are not.  I still would not use chemotherapy as my “go to” stance in treating cancer.  My opinion is that chemo is extreme and should be used in extreme cases.  For me, it is a tool and should be used as such.

The way the conventional world typically treats metastatic patients goes like this.  They consider metastatic cancer incurable. So they don’t really try because now it becomes a fine line between quality of life and extending your life.  They don’t give you the extreme, “curative” doses of chemotherapy because it will make you really sick and won’t cure you anyway.  It becomes a balancing act.  They typically will not give you chemo cocktails (mixtures of drugs) now because they’re more difficult.  Now you get single agent chemos, for the most part, which are easier, but may not hurt your cancer as badly … not curing you, but keeping you alive a bit longer.   And when your cancer outsmarts the drug you are using, and it always does once it is metastatic, you move to another drug.  Until you run out of options.

I didn’t want to live that life.  I have learned that I have a pretty decent intuition in what to pursue and what not to pursue in my therapy.  I am slowly learning to trust that and not be afraid of it.  I have learned that when the fight has you on the ropes and your opponent pummeling the crap out of your face, you have two choices.  You can either go down for the count, or you can unleash something extreme to get that opponent off you so you can get back in the fight.  A tool to be used selectively. Unleash it, back off the enemy, then resume your style of fighting.

Once I returned home, it was not without complication.  I got home on a Monday night and Tuesday morning I realized my NG tube had not been suctioning out my stomach.  Knowing that vomiting around a tube in your throat is excruciating, I did not want that to happen again.  After 24 hours of no suction, we ran off to the emergency room to try to find out why. Several xrays and adjustments later, we knew the problem.  When they put my first tube in, they didn’t put it in far enough. This time, they had put it in too far and it lay coiled in the bottom of my stomach, not sucking out anything. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!  Finally I had a tube that worked again.

Kurt Peterson and CancerTouch had become old friends of mine by this time.  Quite some time prior to my little luxury resort vacay at Memorial Hospital, Kurt had brought in another energy healer, Kris Kraft, to his practice.  Kurt spoke extremely highly of Kris and together they worked on many.  When I first started working with Karen Korona, I did see Kurt one more time, and this time with no results.  So at that point, we thought that possibly my cancer had developed a resistance to Kurt’s particular gift.  I mean, it can develop resistance to any drug we throw at it.  Why couldn’t it respond the same to the same energy over and over?

Anyway, at this point, Kurt felt that if any energy healer in the world could help me, it would be Kris.  So we had arranged for Kris to work on me in San Francisco the end of May.  But then I was hospitalized, so that changed everything.  Now we weren’t even sure if I would still be here come the end of May and we knew if I was, I sure wouldn’t be able to travel.  So God bless Kurt and Kris … they arranged to have Kris come to me.  Now usually we go to the healer’s environment for work … to his suite or whatever.  But I had my NG tube, my IV nutrition bag, and all sorts of apparatuses to accommodate them.  Mercifully, Kris offered that if John could come pick him up, he would be willing to work on me in our home.  Done deal!  We could just have my neighbor come over and sit with me while John transported him back and forth.

On May 2, I met Mr Kris Kraft who was, at that time, still with CancerTouch.  Can you see how blessed I’ve been?  God has put such incredible people in my path.  Can you see the tapestry unfolding?  Is the chaos starting to look a little more like a work of art?  Sure is to me!  I later found out that Kris reported I probably only had a couple of weeks left at that point if something didn’t change.

He works very differently than Kurt, but the two of them are an imposing pair.  Kurt is blonde and over 6′.  Kris is brunette and 6’7″!    The towering team, right?  Anyway, he pulled up a chair at my bedside and we chatted for a bit.  He would gently put his hands on me and run energy.  Then he would stop and kind of just gaze for a few minutes.  Then he would start asking questions and making suggestions of a more emotional nature.  For Kris, it’s not enough to just kill cancer.  You have got to get to the source.  I have always believed this.  Killing the cancer is all well and good, but if you don’t fix the problem at the root, that cancer will grow right back.  I already expressed how I believe that, for me, cancer has a huge emotional component.  So this really resonated with me.

He spoke to me about my body image and my inner child.  He made suggestions of books that might be enlightening for me. And all the while, he ran energy.  He was a polar opposite of Kurt, who has a more “scientific,” if you will, approach to energy healing … just the facts, Jack.  While Kris goes to a psychological level while addressing the physical.

Kris no longer works alongside Kurt.  He has branched out on his own and is doing a lot of work in Europe as well as the US.

Here I was, this Spirit-filled, tongue-talking, healing-believing gal who had followed Christ all her life except for some sporadic times off … you know those little detours we all take as we try to find out who we are and why we’re here?  So yeah, since I was a Christian so young, I had to go exploring when I got old enough to know there was a world out there.  Boys, alcohol, drugs, all those things I was told to stay far, far away from.  Had to go there.

I grew up in a Southern home that was headed by an alcoholic father.  Pretty common theme in many families.  There was no physical abuse, that I recall … and that recalling is a difficult thing for me.  I don’t have much memory of my childhood at all.  It’s as though I was sleeping up until I was 12 or so and, when I finally woke up, boy did I ever get up on the wrong side of the bed.  I was mad … mad at everyone and everything … except my horse.  He was my salvation.  I would bury my face in his mane and just cry.  We would ride all over the place where no parents could reach.  He was my buddy and I adored him.  On the other hand, it was my father who provided that ray of light in my life.  It was one of the biggest surprises of my life, and definitely the biggest surprise ever at that point.  I’ll digress a minute to tell you this cuz it’s just such a cool story and one of the few truly beautiful memories I have of my father.  I was 12 years old and, oh, how I loved a horse!  Had since I was a very young girl and I have no idea why. Goes back as far as I can remember and, try as I might, I have never been able to find that one moment when I fell in love with a horse.  Perhaps I’ve been that way even before I was here.

Four Star General

Anyway, I never could understand why I couldn’t have one as a child.  I mean, we had this huge garage and I promised I would take care of him and keep his area clean and everything!  Just never could understand why they kept saying no … ‘course now I understand zoning laws and we were smack in the suburbs.  But every week I watched my favorite show, Mr Ed, and he lived in the suburbs!  Hey, he lived in a garage, didn’t he?  But that argument didn’t work so I had to wait.  When I was 12, we moved out to the country and lo and behold, there was a man across the street who boarded horses.  We had 50 acres to ride on … no more excuses.  So we went looking for horses.  I fell in love with a beautiful (in my eyes, anyway, though now I know he was malnourished and wormy as hell) buckskin gelding.  He was full of a mind of his own and just right for me.  That horse cost all of $175 … and to think I pay thousands for one now.  One day I came home from school and my friend, Karen, wanted me to walk with her over to the stables.  Her grandfather was the one who owned them, so she knew every stall that was vacant, etc. When we approached the barn (and it never occurred to me to be suspicious with my whole family trailing behind … duhhhh), there was a horse in what had been a previously empty stall.  He had his back to us and I turned to Karen and said, “You didn’t tell me this stall was boarded out.”  About that time, the horse turned around and it was my beautiful buckskin boy.  General … my maiden name was a military one, so what else?  My General … my salvation from hell, it seemed.  My salvation from my father … wow.  In this very moment tears are flowing because I have just realized that the very man I hated somehow realized that I was just on the verge of losing it.  This man went out and purchased that horse, had him transported to the stables, and got him settled in so he could surprise me after school.  The man from whom I needed saving provided me that way of escape.  That’s pretty profound … and the kind of magical thing I am starting to recognize in my spiritual life.  It all had to be, this strife and conflict.  But the man whose role it was to provide that cataclysm in my life also somehow knew when something had to give.  It all had to be …

So back on the path … I had served God forever and cancer did not run in my family.  I didn’t believe in a punishing God, so that never entered my mind.  My understanding of God’s character didn’t allow for Him to put this on me to teach me something.  And He certainly didn’t “allow” it to happen any more than I would’ve “allowed” my daughter to contract cancer when I had it in my power to stop it.  He loves me way more than I can love anyone!  I never really could come to terms with that question.  So I have believed, for years, that it was an attack.  Now I have learned that many people don’t believe in evil, and especially a devil.  I disagree.  I have been in the presence of evil and it’s real, y’all.  Plus every scientist knows that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, so I believe if there’s an ultimate good (let’s call Him God), then there is also an ultimate bad.  And I don’t care what we call that.  But I do still believe it.

For years … no decades … I have held on to that.  This cancer was an attack.  The enemy trying to take me out before my time.  But thank God for Jesus … literally.  Because, by His stripes, I WAS healed.  Done deal.  And I was now disease-free even as advanced as my cancer had been.  And I stayed that way for well past that allegedly magic five-year mark.  I fell in love with my retired-from-the military life complete with a wonderful husband and my beloved dog agility … and my horses.  Life was sublime for me.  I was so content.  We had an amazing church and wonderful friends there.  Then things kind of fell apart at that church and we had to leave.  Shortly thereafter, we got orders to Idaho and I never really found a home church again.  My pastor had so ingrained healing, freedom, and grace in me that there was no way I could go back to legalism now!  And I despise services that are structured … I had been spoiled to be in services where if the Spirit moved, He was allowed to do so and that was incredible.  Have never found that since.  If it meant that pastor didn’t open his mouth, then he didn’t.  He let God do His thing which was wonderful.

We moved to Idaho and I was now without a church body for the first time in quite some time.  I was still doing OK, spiritually, on my own, and I had a great husband, friends, dog agility, and my horse.  I honestly didn’t think I would hear the word cancer associated with my present-tense ever again.  But did it ever come out of the blue and was I ever wrong.

So I was brought up in a Christian home.  My father was president of a Methodist college in a mid-sized town.  We went to this huge Methodist church complete with flagstone floors, stained glass windows, and pipe organs.  Damn place looked like a flippin cathedral.  But I never saw any evidence of God in that place with its cold, hard interior and everyone dressed just so.  Full of who’s who and gossip, but not God.  Turned me off church in a big way.  That was in the late 60s and

Polski: W kościele w Otorowie koło Szamotuł

Image via Wikipedia

early 70s.  There were not a whole lot of non-denominational churches, much less Spirit-filled ones.  So my Mom, God bless her, found a group of people meeting in a home and that’s where I finally found a true place of worship where the Spirit led the course of the service, not man.  This set the pattern for all of my future spiritual searches.  I tend to steer away from structured services with hymnals and organs to this day.  But thankfully it is a lot easier to find my kind of church these days.

But I always believed in healing.  I mean, Jesus did a whole lot of that in the Bible, didn’t He?  Then again, I had many friends who had way more faith than I, die from disease.  There’s that age-old dilemma … well, if the Bible says so, why didn’t it happen?  So I assumed that while healing was promised, sometimes the answer was “No.”

That remained that way until right after my diagnosis and we had just moved to Colorado annd were looking for a church.  I was told about one and we went.  Only a couple of weeks later, that pastor began teaching on healing and God’s will and that changed my life forever  I learned that, despite the fact that we lose loved ones to disease, that doesn’t mean it was God’s will.  I learned there were many reasons for disease to happen and most of them had nothing at all to do with God.  So I really started digging in that area but I was through my initial cancer treatment by then and honestly thought I was done with all of that.  It was a blessing that I had 8 full years before I really had to put my beliefs to the test.  It was good.  Much like a pilot needs to fly by his instrument panel before he encounteers the storm, the same goes for learning God’s principles before the shit hits the fan!  Oh yeah … I said shit.  And that’s why this category is Spirituality.  Because while I am very spiritual, and a big Jesus freak (yes, I still do believe He is the Christ despite my ever-expanding horizons), I am anything but religious!

Up until that point, I thought I pretty much had this Christianity/spiritual thing figured out.   Yeah, what I have since discovered is that I knew nothing!  God is so much bigger than we could ever imagine and so many of us just put Him in a box.  We say He can only work with this or use us in this fashion …. and most of it is about what we do.  But honestly,, what we do just doesn’t matter so much if we are in Christ … He already did it all.  Ahhhhhhhh grace is such a beautiful thing and so is God’s patience with me when I doubt, kick, scratch and claw.  I imagine myself much like a tantrumous 2-year-old and Him shaking His head at me and smiling.  He even loves me when I shake my fist at him and scream curses …. and I’ve had those moments as well.   And He loves me just the same.

So here, you will read my musings and follow how I went from so legalistic and fundamentalist to a much more centered knowledge of God  and how free we are supposed to be!  My mind has been expanding and my understanding growing for years … and it’s justt now getting started good.  Feel free to join in at any time!